How to speak English like a native speaker? (My answer is not what you think)
Being a language coach, it's no surprise that people ask me this question: "Hedvig, what’s the best way to learn to speak English like a native speaker?"
This question resonates deeply with me because there was a time when it was my goal, too. Like many of my readers, I used to love the idea of having that "native speaker" badge in English. It was more than just learning a language; it was about validation and belonging.
But here’s the (very, very important) twist — I want to share with you why pursuing the goal to "speak like a native" might not be what you truly seek.
The quest for belonging
Reflecting on my own journey, and my observations from helping English learners to achieve fluency over the past 5 years, I can see that this wish to speak like a native is typically rooted in 2 main desires:
1. You dream of fitting into English-speaking settings and finally feeling like you truly belong.
2. Your accent feels like a brick wall that's hindering your English. You just want to finally talk freely without worrying about how you sound or other people's judgments.
Interestingly, these desires go much deeper than any kind of technical mastery of a language. They touch on our emotional and psychological needs... it's about our cravings for belonging and authentic self-expression.
But it's so freakin' hard to put that into words, or even to know where to begin to address these needs... So instead, we might say “I want to speak like a native speaker” or “I need help with my grammar”.
Does that sound familiar?
Getting to your true "why"
Usually, it's when you find out what you're searching for on a deeper level that it becomes possible to make any real progress. Rather than aiming for a "native-like accent", which as a goal feels fuzzy, indefinable, and unachievable, I encourage you to get really clear about what end goal will be both rewarding, realistic, and profoundly relevant to you and how you'll need to interact with others in the near future.
What this means for you
If you find yourself thinking, “I want to speak like a native speaker,” try to dig deeper. If you did achieve this, what would speaking like a native give you? What abilities or opportunities would you get that you don't have now?
In other words: What lies beneath this desire? Is it the longing to be understood, to connect, to feel valued, or perhaps, like it was for me, to belong?
When you find that deeper craving you'll probably also discover that there may be an easier or more direct path for you to take. I certainly took the long way round in English myself, and I've had a much easier time of it in Italian – largely because of all that I've learnt about what's truly important to me personally.
For most of us, on a deeper level, this idea of "fluency" is not about perfection, or even about blending in, but connection. So please, please try your best not to get too distracted by some idea of a “perfect accent”, and instead aim to embrace your linguistic background while focusing your energy on learning to express yourself clearly, confidently and authentically.
I'd love to hear in the comments – do you or have you ever wished to speak like a native speaker? When did you start wanting to achieve this goal? What do you think makes this goal so appealing to you personally?
If you're ready to dive deeper into brain-friendly learning with me, and start seeing tangible results in your English fluency, join my free 50-minute masterclass "Beyond Grammar" which is now available on-demand. In it we go through 3 simple techniques that you can start using right away, which have helped my English learners to break out of "overthinking mode" and into a much greater sense of ease and calm speaking English at work.